Surprisingly incisive criticism of Dark Shadows found in an unlikely place

I was on my way out the door to go see The Phantom Menace today (don't judge me) when I found a package waiting outside on my porch. It was the Barnabas Collins MPC model, a re-release of the popular kit from the 1960s. I've got my doubts about being able to build this model and have it resemble anything human, but I thought I'd take a shot at it. If you never see it  mentioned on this site again you can probably assume the worst.

While the box uses the classic artwork from the original release, a modern flier is attached to the back of the package. Whoever wrote the copy for this insert not only knows their Dark Shadows lore, but also managed to sneak in a little  criticism of the show, as well. Here's a sample:

"Cursed by a vindictive with, the romantic protagonist would spend the rest of eternity (or at least five seasons and a feature film) searching for his heart's desire, Josette... and Maggie and Victoria and Roxanne and maybe Julia."