Dark Shadows Diary, Episode 24

Episode 24, "Law & Order: Collinsport"
July 28, 1966

Constable Carter is quickly turning into my least favorite DARK SHADOWS character this side of Harry Johnson. This is such a blah episode that there's not much more to write about beyond my growing distaste for the show's first cop. I'm more interested in talking about the new Amanda Palmer album, but this doesn't seem like the appropriate forum. (Seriously, though ... it's awesome.) But, when you commit to blogging about 1,200+ episodes of a TV series, you have to expect the occasional dud.


When the episode begins, we see that Carolyn has been out spending her mom's money. She strolls into the diner at the Collinsport Inn with so many packages that I thought it might have been a Christmas Eve episode. Instead, Carolyn is just meeting Joe for the most boring date in history: hamburgers and coffee during Joe's 45-minute lunch break. Scandalous!

Carter strolls in and immediately reminds everyone that he's missing valuable time solving crossword puzzles at his desk. "There's not  much to do besides sit behind a desk," he tells Burke, describing his regular workday before the convicted felon rolled back into town. After brushing off questions from Maggie Evans about Roger's wreck (and whether or not her father's name has come up in the investigation) Carter stages an impromptu cross examination of Burke that made Roger's earlier efforts look like the work of Johnnie Cochran. His most impressive trick is demonstrating his ability to remember participating in Burke's trial ten years earlier, which won't exactly make Batman worry about his standing as the "World's Greatest Detective."

Burke admits he's holding the teeniest of grudges against the Collins family, but claims he's not interested in murder. The line-fumbling cop drags Carolyn into the hotel room to badger Devlin, and that blows up in his face, too. Burke argues that trying to get away with murder doesn't make much sense when you let someone (in this case, Vicky) see you with the murder weapon beforehand. Also adding weight to his story is Carolyn's admission that Devlin was only at Collinwood that night at her invitation.

After Sherlock Holmes leaves the room, Carolyn confronts Burke on his assholery. She doesn't especially believe he tried to kill Roger, but she knows he's up to no good. The day before he'd told her of his plans to leave plans in a few days, but she learned from Maggie at the diner that Devlin was sticking around to have his portrait painted. Moments after Carolyn leaves, Burke gets another mysterious call from someone named "Bronson." Again, Burke says he's having to move his timetable up ... and I wish he'd get on with it already.