Dark Shadows Diary, Episode 50

Episode 50: "DEATH!"
Sept. 2, 1966

The DARK SHADOWS DIARY turns 50 today. Time for it to get sports car and a girlfriend half its age!

Carolyn (who, coincidentally, is in the market for in older man, wink wink) is brooding at Widow's Hill when she's joined by 1964 Miss Gloom & Doom USA, Victoria Winters. Carolyn claims she's looking for ghosts, but that's probably just metaphorical. Victoria, who says she's never seen a ghost (despite having heard them on more than one occasion since coming to Collinwood,) is just wandering around in the dark because it's expected of a gothic heroine. Those houses aren't going to run from themselves.

Carolyn's real problem is that she's not especially interested in Joe Haskell, despite their current boyfriend-girlfriend status. She's not the only Collins feeling sorry for themselves. David is also whining to Liz that nobody cares about him, a sentiment that is occasionally followed by a murder attempt. She's in no mood to hear about Carolyn skulking around the Collinsport's second favorite suicide spot, and is already in a foul temper thanks to suspicions that Roger is following in his son's homicidal footsteps.

Roger comes home uncharacteristically cheerful, but declines to stop to speak to anyone as he makes a beeline to the kitchen. Oh, and Bill Malloy is still missing, which probably did a little something to put a spring in his step.

Riddle me this, Batman: When the word "DEATH" gets scrawled on the mirror of a certain Collinwood governess, who do you think is responsible? The suspect list is short. Literally. He stands about four feet tall and tried to murder his own father a few earlier in the series. That doesn't stop David from getting butthurt when accused of vandalizing Victoria's mirror, but this might be one of the rare exceptions when he isn't responsible for an act of sinister weirdness.

Victoria and Carolyn bundle up and go back into the night to find a watch she lost. Really. No, REALLY. A fucking wrist watch. THAT'S what the writers came up with. I guess they figured the next scene would make the audience forget the stupid motivation, though ... the Dramatic Duo spot the corpse of Bill Malloy washed up on the shore below.