Dark Shadows Diary, Episode 77

Episode 77, "Shine on you Crazy Diamond"
Oct. 11, 1966

Burke Devlin accomplished at least one thing during his recent visit to Collinwood: He threw Carolyn's crazy switch from "love" to "hate."

Carolyn skips into the Drawing Room at the start of this episode and announces to her mother that she's been behaving like an idiot, but is all better now, thanks. More to the point, she's been thinking about the things Burke said before she figured out his game. Carolyn has had time to pour over every word Burke said to her during the previous weeks as she's searched for cracks in his armor. Naturally, she located a few.  And naturally, they were ALL obvious.

Remember that time he "joked" about conspiring with another businessman to seize the Collins family assets? Maybe he WASN'T joking, she decided. And just what was David doing in Burke's hotel room that time she paid an unannounced visit to him? Liz rightfully asks Carolyn what SHE was doing there, but doesn't get much of an answer to her question. Carolyn is too busy confessing to being jealous of Victoria because of the attention she was getting from Burke, even though Carolyn insists she had no intentions on him blah blah blah. This chick is so nuts that she'd scare the Joker.

Liz tries to make her daughter feel better by admitting she suffered from an acute case of crazy, herself, when she was younger. It was an illness that landed her in a marriage with the mysterious Paul Stoddard. I'm not sure what the moral of that story was supposed to be, but there it is.

Carolyn isn't the only one getting questionable advice in this episode. Matthew Morgan is busy explaining his philosophy of blind, unwavering devotion, and it's a point of view so severe it could shake the very foundations of Objectivism. David comes to the man with a vague spiritual crisis, one that Matthew recognizes right away: The boy can't decide if he hates his family more than he likes Burke Devlin.

"A man or a boy can't live with divided loyalties," Matthew tellshim. "He has to make a choice, decided which side you're on and stick to it no matter what happens." I'm suddenly reminded of that time Matthew tried to strangle Burke at the Blue Whale in front of a dozen witnesses.

But the advice doesn't stop there. Matthew also tells Carolyn to stay away from Burke. "He's like a wounded tiger," he says. "Even an experienced hunter won't go after a wounded tiger." It takes him a split second to realize that was the exact wrong advice to give Carolyn, who shows a spark of rekindled interest in said wounded tiger.

But wait! There's more! Unable to let things rest, Liz offers MORE bad parenting advice to David. What it boils down to, she tells him, is that "You're either for me or against me." She really says that. Out loud.

Carolyn goes rooting through David's room looking for a photo of Burke that David "borrowed" from his angry mentor and is caught in the act by her cousin. They get into an argument over who received the better gift from Burke. Which is better, they debate? David's photo of the man, or ... um, that super-awesome gift he gave to Carolyn that she won't reveal. David sprays gas on the fire by saying Burke likes Victoria more than Carolyn, a ploy that works even though Carolyn clearly sees through it.

The show has reached a zenith of creepiness. All that's missing is a "Uncle Roger is Dreamy" finishing move from Carolyn. I'm gonna go take a shower now.