I can quit whenever I want.

DARK SHADOWS got an unlikely (and unwelcome) shout out in the Feb. 20, 1970, issue of Life Magazine. In a story titled "The Heroin Epidemic Spreads into High Schools: Life on Two Grams a Day," a heroin addict expresses their love for the spooky daytime drama.

Image included because I'm a wiseass.

"Tom," whose glamorous lifestyle is depicted on the pages of this story, takes a moment to tell the writer: "You ever watch DARK SHADOWS, man? All junkies dig DARK SHADOWS."

Why was this included in the story? In 1970, children were terrifying to adults. In a few short years, the idea of "youth" had evolved from the already controversial "I Want to Hold Your Hand" phase of The Beatles, to the "Let's Trip Balls and Play the Sitar" phase of The Beatles. You don't need many dots to connect ROSEMARY'S BABY, THE EXORCIST and THE OMEN.

Here, the Life author links hardcore drug abuse to a television show popular with children because he doesn't know the difference between "correlation" and "causation." They remain difficult concepts for journalists to grasp, which is why so many people still believe Marilyn Manson had something to do with the massacre at Columbine High School in 1999 ... almost 30 years after "Life on Two Grams a Day" was published.