Who Said It: Roger Collins or Linus Van Pelt?

DARK SHADOWS' ne'er-do-well Roger Collins and Linus Van Pelt from PEANUTS are essentially the same person. Sure, Linus probably hasn't yet developed the Teflon liver of Roger Collins, but both characters deal with life's hardships with dry, often pessimistic senses of humor.

Both characters are also perpetually overshadowed by their older sisters, have rocky relationships with blondes and are pathological downers. I have no idea where the Great Pumpkin fits into the matrix, but the fact that we have to address bizarre superstitious beliefs just makes this bullshit comparison that much stronger, in my opinion.

The original idea for this week's installment was to compare Roger to Charlie Brown, but the more dialogue I read from Charles Shulz's comicstrips (and the subsequent animated adaptions,) the more parallels I saw between Roger and Linus. You can bet your ass that kid is going to eventually trade his security blanket for a decanter of brandy. And Charlie had better learn how to watch his back.

Below are some quotes from each character, five each from Roger and Linus. See if you can tell which is which. (I promise this one won't be as difficult as last week's Victoria Winters Vs Evanescence installment.)


1. "Is there any point in fighting if you know you're going to lose?"

2. "You'll either be the hero, or a goat."

3. "I love mankind! It's people I can't stand."

4. "When a boy tries to kill his own father there's no help for him, no help at all."

5. "Are there any openings in the lunatic fringe?"

6. "I have a rather personal fetish for accuracy."

7. "If you have an imaginary friend, why not bring her along?"

8. "Life is peculiar. Wouldn't you like to have your life to live over if you knew what you know now?"

9. "I don't like to face problems head on. I think the best way to solve problems is to avoid them."

10. "Well, maybe it's far better to be nine years old and know how ugly life can be."

Roger Collins: 1, 4, 6, 7, 10
Linus Van Pelt: 2, 3, 5, 8, 9