The Dark Shadows Daybook: March 9

By PATRICK McCRAY

Taped on this date in 1970: Episode 976

Bruno again tries to kill Caroline by locking her in a room with a transforming Chris Jennings. Roger comes to the rescue, clocking Bruno and saving his niece. Later, Bruno persuades Carolyn to meet him, and the werewolf stops his assassination attempt by mussing Bruno’s ‘do to death. Roger tops off the day by checking on Parallel Time, seeing that PT Quentin is returning with a wife, and his dead former wife’s ghost will take him back to court or something. Roger is appalled to see his PT self wearing some questionable lapels.

Two-Fisted Fightin’ Fops!

Bruno and Worf. They have an important similarity besides being of the House of Martok and sporting girlish bouffants. They also get beaten up a lot by sometimes unlikely perpetrators. It’s one thing to be savaged by a werewolf. Happens to the best of us. But to be beaten up by Roger Collins is a clear indication that you need more roughage in your diet… maybe a brisk, daily swim, too. Roger used to dread thumb-wrestling with Liz and Indian burns from Mrs. Johnson. David would threaten to bruise his father’s palm by meriting a spanking. Well, clearly, he’s upped the snifter size he uses in his daily curls because he dispatches Bruno (with a candlestick) like Stokes going through a slice of Stilton.

I kid, I kid. But the hidden gem of the Leviathan arc is seeing Roger mix it up, Jack Lord-style. The Midnight Stroka goes out swinging, duking it out with a werewolf and holding his own until overcome by a fuller hairdo. 976 provides kids with the spring break joy of no less than two fight scenes broken up by another installment of Fretting About Jeb with Liz and Roger. It’s like its the series’ way of saying, “Man, you’re really going to miss us. In almost no time, it’s Parallel Time and jet black fatalism. So, have fun with some fight scenes while you can.”

DARK SHADOWS is about to hit puberty and become the sullen teenager of 1840 and then the  hallucinating college student of 1841 PT. Before that, Bruno gets blowed up by a wolfman real good as the last sip of childhood’s dandelion and lobster wine is vinted in the house by the sea.

I drink to your leg.